Where’d You Go Bernadette

Where'd You Go Bernadette had is, at its core, a story about a women who disappears, both figuratively and literally. Were you able to relate to the book? How and why? Do you feel Bernadette's disappearance was unique or do all women, in a sense, disappear into motherhood and marriage?

This is one of my recent reads that I read in bits and pieces. This question at the end of the book stuck to me begging for my response.

"Do all women disappear into motherhood and marriage?" This lingers in my mind.

Will I get my trip to Antarctica to redefine myself?

Is it even possible for me to rekindle the zest that I had in me before marriage?

Marriage and the immediate motherhood have definitely sidetracked me from whatever I was bound to be. But the fact remains that I did not figure where/what I was bound to be before marriage either. I keep yearning for what cannot be brought back in terms of memories of a happy go lucky phase. I could not live the life I had between 2003 & 2008 forever. I moved out of Connecticut and Kolkata with memories just enough to miss it. Memories - duly zip locked and frozen to be thawed and savored on a rainy day. Had I stayed on for a few months longer it may have turned mundane. The next few years got me distracted into the "match-fixing", convincing parents on letting me marry the person I ended up marrying , planning out the wedding, moving in with the husband and in-laws, getting over the hullabaloo that the wedding was. Along comes Son and my universe gradually gets wrapped in the cocoon of motherhood. I was and still am working but, to declare that I have disappeared in motherhood completely is an understatement. I have shifted everything around to make Son the center of my existence. I am always putting him first before all else, my career, my interests, my health and am using him as an excuse to push things to the backburner. I am willing to settle for mediocrity at work if it buys me quality time with Son. I wonder if it's just me or is this new norm. The once fiery, zesty, 24 year old who was up for the challenge, subdued over a few years of motherhood to an average Jane who clocks in a 9 -5 duty with zero challenges.

Weekend V

All I can remember from this weekend is the incredibly long wait to pass through the Holland tunnel.. and the food from Oaktree Road... !!!

A little chit here and a little chat over there

Played with the sweet afro-american kid ( probably a year old) of the afro-american driver of mine... Do not know what the kid's true name is.... "murali" is the closest we could make out of whatever he calls the kid... Oh no , he doesnt have Indian roots .... Managed to get him (the kid, I mean) to say "tar " "bar" and finally when I give up, he points to a truck on the road tugs at my shoulder and almost burped out "khaa..aaazh" . He can throw them flying kisses like and wink with both eyes ( we are trying to perfect it tho' ) at the same time.

Cooked a simple dinner, cooked some of the usual gossip, vented out, let my roomie vent out...Loaned my shoulder to her vicks-smeared-teary-eyed heavy head and managed to smear most of it off her head to my Tee. Felt a lot lighter comforting her.... Lighter than while I was at the other end of the same tunnel....

Sometimes, in others' tears you dissolve your own miseries...

And yet another midweek mundane mania has come to an end without much ado.

Have planned to take an unplanned , agenda free trip to NYC... Have two open invites that have been put off for a while now. Hoping to use atleast one of 'em if not both.

Tables turned..

~ Picture taken somewhere on the Kancamagus Highway, New Hampshire , Fall 2006


Never realised, giving the cold shoulder could be so much relishing ...!!!!
Neither did I realise that at times things going southward could be an excuse to do what you've always wanted to do -

Thwart authority

Shirk some of those assumed duties

Nose-so-up-in-the-air that your feet touch the ground no more and say it loud and clear

What goes around ,baby, comes back and I am gonna give it back to ya !!!

all in style..... !!!!

And still something amiss...

ONE YEAR !!!!

A year of my prime....
Had all of the cheese moved more than once....
Shifted houses
Shifted base/(to the)states/countries/continents...
Had my tolerance and patience load tested....

Spent every moment hating the previous one for a substantial 3 months...
Conveniently lost track of friends who never failed to spam my inbox on Val's Day/Friendship Day/Girlfriends' day/ best friends day/ engineers day/ and all other crap n sorts days...

Diligently clung on to those wonderful people who never minded my once-in-a-month-post-PMS calls....

Made loads of new friends , loads of friends who fell in categories I never knew existed....

Roadtrips to NYC/Niagara/White Mountains/New Hampshire/Boston/NJ/.... vague memories of each residual somewhere between my grey matter....

Slept on the parking lot of manhattan in a rental car...

Loved Fall....

Missed the hot hot hot everything about Chennai...

Learnt the art of being nonchalant about every freaking thing that gets on my nerve...

Partied... hard and regular.... threw some, had people throw up on some, each duly documented in the million pixels of digital memorablia that never interest you more than once ....

Crashed ( yea you read right) into a house and made it to the news....

Trip to Canada, all by myself... better memories than any of my other roadtrips...

Had one helluva b'day party with loadsa ppl/food/drinks/and ofcourse digital photographs...

Trip back home .... as long as a fortnight might seem... flew by before I could say 5 mississippi...(hmm trivialities that people take immense pride in!!!)

Now tis time to look for another apartment..........!!!!

Gosh has it been a year already?!!!

Reviving....

Slowly, silently, I dust off the ashes, amidst the shivers and chills I spread my wings , flap them once... twice.... thrice.... lest I should have forgotten how to fly.... with my new found glee I begin to alight.... I will soar.....

The Phoenix that I am....!!!!

This is me...

Sometimes life is not all about chasing your dreams ....

As much as I hate to delve into details, life seems to be throwing me into crossroads every now and then.... 6 months in the US and I am dying to go back... miss the aimless populace of kolkata streets... miss the rickshaw rides. ... miss the cramped up autos... miss the bonebreaker 215A rides from Karunamayee to Sector V... miss the walks back home from work.... miss the little 2 BHK apt at Sector II... miss the innumerous trips to Howrah ... miss the 28 hr Coromandel express and Madras Mail....... miss the Sealdah station.... miss the uncountable idle evenings spent at the fountain in City Centre... miss the masala chai ...... miss LIFE........!!!!!!!